


Strawberry fields forever

by wickedesthonktraband



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide, Things get heavy here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 20:00:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedesthonktraband/pseuds/wickedesthonktraband
Summary: She wants to take up gardening.





	Strawberry fields forever

On open plains strawberries were the first indication that this was where gems died. What a concept, that in the place where millions were shattered you could find life growing abundant from it. What has been reaped must be sown, her hands trail against a large strawberry, gloved fingers waltzing over deep achenes. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She hadn’t wanted the Pearl to come with her but she had, this was supposed to be a solitary journey but the diamonds hardly saw it appropriate that she should journey back to the destroyed earth on her own. They seemed adamant on keeping her safe, she knows that its a misplaced want to protect their own lost Pink. It hurt, but she was numb to that kind of pain now. She was numb to most things anymore, they loved her however and that could be enough to make it a little better even if she didn’t deserve it. 

  


There’s nothing in her though. She is empty, there is a pit inside where there should be sensations of anything at all. She is nothing, there is nothing. Her hands grasp the strawberry tighter and she wonders if it grew this big because of one gem instead of many, maybe a good sized quartz was shattered here. She could imagine what that would have been like, how bad it must’ve hurt and then how quickly they would just be gone from the universe. “So..” she mutters it low under her breath only audible enough for it to just be picked up by Pink Pearl, her eyes downcast as her fingers took off of the fruit. “You used to be Pink’s too huh?” 

  


The Pearl tenses visibly, then proceeding to nod readily at the statement (of which sounded more like her to be an accusation instead. Like she had uncovered some dirty secret about the gem she had only just met four hours ago.) “You would be correct in saying so, yes.” she says softly, she didn’t mean to but her hand raised to feel her destroyed eye before coming back down to grip at her opposite arm. “I don’t belong to anyone anymore though, I’m nobody’s now.” Spinel lifted her head up, turning to face the Pearl who stood by her before a grin paints past her face. A bitter smile blesses her, Pink Pearl felt her insides flutter a bit. “Hey, makes two of us then doesn’t it?” 

  
  
  


They walk through the docks together, taking in the sights of beach city in quiet. She had been told that Spinel was a talkative gem, she remembered for a brief period before..things happened getting to see her in brief flashes with joy that overflowed her physical form. She supposed that six thousand years would be the thing to change that, they were both different now. Faded lost things, middle ground is there enough for her to understand a bit more than some may. She could reach through the distance to break things open, talking was better than endless silence. There was enough of that in the twos past to last them the rest of their lifetime. It wasn’t her first time reaching past an emotional gap, this was nothing new. “This was her world, earth, right?” Pink Pearl breathes it out, not an easy thing to say. Not an easy thing to think about. “The diamonds won’t talk about it..for obvious reasons I guess.” There’s a soft jingling sound like bells in the air, she doesn’t need to look over to know that’s Spinel nodding her head in agreement. “I hope she had fun here, er..” no one ever said Pink Pearl was _ adept _ at her wording anyway, now did they? “I mean, I hope she had fun after..everything happened.”

She looks almost like she had a knife twisted into her stomach at the last part, she only just barely catches it before she forces a smile lifting up her hand as if to gesture to the whole world around them. “How couldn’t she? Jeeze, this place is a freaking _ paradise _ you know how much she..” her voice catches, she retracted that hand back to rub at the side of her face looking anywhere but in her direction.”She _ loved _ organic life.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“They’re called _ donuts.” _ she states as if it was some ancient wise truth that only she had known, now to share with her lucky lucky little Pink Pearl. Pink Pearl, whom had cocked her head in curiosity, holding a faded pink caked donut in her hand before gazing back to her. “...Donut’s?” Spinel cocked a brow, before looking down at her feet with an airy giggle. That made Pink pearl feel warm all down her back. She wouldn’t mind if she got to see the sad gem laugh like that again, it’s nice to see her smile. “No doofus. _ Donuts _ . It’s not like they’re someone else's. They’re part of the whole food thing humans do!” Spinel, who had been gripping a bag of an approximate four of them reaches in, pulling out a white and pink sprinkled cake donut. Taking an eager bite, before giving an absolutely euphonious little moan in the simple pleasure of just enjoying the sweet treat. Pink Pearl was fascinated (and a hint disgusted by the strange ritual) as Spinel made a special gesture of showing the lump in her mouth go down her throat. Her eyes open back up when it’s gone down and away with an eagerness in her eyes that the other gem had not expected to see anytime soon. “See? I know it’s _ kinda _ weird but it’s a whole lotta fun, think you could try it for me?”

  


Now that had earned an eye roll from the gem, a coyish smile painted on her face holding up the donut to her good eye as if it were a specimen to be examined. “Hmmm…” she takes a sniff of it holding the pink thing under her nose for a half second before pointing it back out in the direction of Spinel. “I don’t know _ can _ I try it for you? Hm hm hm…” she shrugged her shoulders staring off to the side, Hearing Spinel laugh again all the while and loving every second of it. “I suppose I _ could _ just for you. Even though we’ve only been around each other for less than a day now.” she’s chuckling unable to help it the other gems laughter is simply infectious. This was closer to the little that she remembered, the little that she had still expected-or maybe, hoped for. There’s some cheers of encouragement from Spinel as she holds the treat close to her mouth, closing her eye nervous and…

It’s nothing like she had imagined, it takes a few seconds to get used to but she enjoys the sweetness tickling her tastebuds and the texture of the item between her teeth before swallowing down her bite, which arguably the action of swallowing was the only explicitly unpleasant aspect of it. “You know this really _ is _ good.” she whispers to herself more than Spinel, readying for another bite. Fate has other plans though, the donut broke in her fingers and fell to the ground into little pink pieces. “Aw what, now that’s bunk..” Spinel grumbles, before patting her shoulder. Pink pearl looks at her and she notes that the gem had all the care in the world in her eyes, empathy over something as simple as losing the donut. She reminds her so much of her diamond it stings, yet she’s better than her. She couldn’t explain it but she was. 

“We got more, don’t feel too bad now ok?” she says, offering a warm grin to her. She nods in return “Well, alright I suppose…” she casts a glance back to the broken donut that laid there on the ground with some regret and like that they’re walking away, Pink Pearl enjoys each second of listening to her talk along the way.

  
  
  
  
  


The diamonds had rejected the idea at first when she asked to stay the rest of the night on earth with Spinel, anyone who said that they’d completely gotten over their loss or their old era ideals would be miserably wrong. Spinel had seemed so sad, she wanted to see her happy and they’d complained of needing one more thing to do. She knew that Spinel needed time away for herself, away from the diamonds just enough to process some things. She could do that, she could give her that. She wanted to give her bittersweet treasure that. When she’d told her Spinel wrapped her arms around her like creeping vines on an old building, she felt gooseflesh prickle on her own arms with the hug. She wouldn’t…”Thank you so much.” Spinel had whispered to her, tears soaking into her shoulder. “I have a couple of things to sort out still, thank you so much.” She wouldn’t mind staying like this forever.

  
  


“Really if it’s a problem I understand” Spinel said it softly, looking up at the half gem hybrid with something beyond her pink irises. Pink Pearl wondered what it might be, maybe it was regret. Regret for lost chances and never afters that didn’t come to pass, she wonders if it could be that. Maybe she was only projecting though. 

“No.” he’d said careful, rubbing the back of his head. “I won’t lie I do still get a little uncomfortable around you Spinel but, I really do want to give this friendship with you a try.” he smiles, putting his hand on her shoulder causing Pink Pearl to think back to earlier. She’s amazed how much different things can be yet still wind up staying exactly the same. ‘You’re doing ok, you’re gonna be ok.” he says it as a promise, his brows knit together raising up as he gripped her shoulder gentle “Ok?” there’s something she doesn’t quite get in the air, like a secret she was kept off of. Spinel nods her lips lowering into a small frown, she looks to the floor before looking back up at him. “I know.” she says it, Pink Pearl wonders if she means it when she repeats it again “I know.” 

“We don’t have any rooms left but uh..if you guys want you can sleep on the floor or the couch tonight in the living room. We’ve got some blankets too. That sound ok?” Spinel nodded eagerly and the two talk for a little bit, Pink Pearl watched transfixed when the two sat down on the couch and talked about life. About domesticity of living with others that you love, that love you. She’s transfixed by how deeply invested the two become, when they asked her questions she could hardly join in. Spinel pulls her in though, magnetic as ever, it’s an hour before steven finally gets tired enough to go to bed. Before he leaves, he reaches into his pants pocket pulling out a small white paper package sticking it out into Spinel’s direction. “Here.” he says between a yawn. “I got you the thing you asked for, finally taking up gardening huh? I know it’s a little hard with..what happened but..”he stops, inhaling then talking again when he seems to have footing mentally “I’m really glad you wanna make it into something for you again.” 

  


Spinel is quiet, reaching to the package and holding it close by herself “I wanna make one good thing y’know.” She says it more like _ yanno _ the gem notes, she seemed to be bewitched by alot of things Spinel did. 

  


“I wanna make something good from myself one more time.” she stops, hugging the package into her chest before looking up at him again. “It was good seeing you again, Steven.” Steven hesitates, looking to her before pulling her into a hug. “You can always do that Spinel, I promise you aren’t stuck in the past.” he holds her a moment, before letting go and leaving up the stairs.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“They call it sleep, I kinda got into the habit after steven and his friend Lapis showed me how to do it.” her forefinger played with a light sunbleached pink blanket, twirling around her digit the hard wood of the floor under her, under both of them. “You just lay there and then...poof! You’re gone, sometimes pictures play in your head too like a video stream, but it’s always a bunch of weird stuff.” she hums, twirling the blanket into a small spire. “I wouldn’t mind getting to sleep forever.” Pink Pearl looks over her carefully when she says that, something like a maladaptive bliss crosses her face. She lays herself down near Spinel, a tinge worried yet unsure what all else to do. “Well...I certainly won’t mind getting to try out this ‘sleep’ thing with you either, Spinel.” she says with gentle melody carrying through her voice. “I like getting to explore new things with you.” 

  


Spinel blushes, looking up to the ceiling. “ Aw jeeze, lookit what you’re doing to me. Flatterin’ me like that.” Pink Pearl feels her own face flush deeply, rubbing her finger tips into the palms of her hands. “Every bit of it is true, I think you’re marvelous.” 

  


Spinel stops, a tear beading at her eye before quickly blinking it away and taking in a long inhale. There is a period, where only the chirping of cicadas may be heard in the endless night outside of the home. She leans herself into Pink Pearl planting one delicate kiss against her pale pink cheek, snickering when she lights up brighter than homeworld. “You’re a real sweetie, you know that?”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Sleep came easier for Spinel then it did for her, she watched her doze off during their conversation into the sweet succor of sleep. Thoughts dance around her mind like slyphs in summer breeze, teasing her into waking fantasies instead of restful dreams.

  


She wouldn’t tell anyone but..she couldn’t help but stare at Spinel, noting just how beautiful she was to her. How wonderful she was, she thought of what her skin must feel like. What it would be like to hold her hand, to spend the rest of her days with her on earth or on homeworld. She thought about getting to make her laugh more, she’d give anything to make sure she never saw the other gem cry again. It felt stupid, having all these ideas so suddenly for someone she barely knew outside of such a short time spent knowing her before her own replacement. She’s a malfunctioning Pearl that belonged to nobody, she’s not supposed to be like this. She supposed that, in the new era that all gems were allowed to exist now. Even broken ones like her.

Like Spinel.

She stares, lost in her lines before she unthinkingly scooted closer to her under the blanket, resting her head into her shoulder. Butterflies tickling her insides all the while, every hair on the back of her neck electrified and standing up. She closes her eyes, soaking in her presence.

She yawns, something deep coming into her like an old friend she never knew. Sleep greets her, she could be like this forever. She could be next to spinel forever.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Morning shines in through the windows and she twists, reaching out her arms to grab onto the other gem. The thought suddenly coming into her mind in the midst of the movement that _ ‘Oh no..’ _ she bit her lip, half awake only. _ ‘Pearl what are you doing, she’s going to think you’re weird.’ _

  


Her hands don’t find her though, that’s enough to wake her up again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She steps off the warp pad “_ Spinel?” _ her footsteps rustling against dead leaves as she traipsed about looking for the other gem, her hands held together keeping a watchful eye for any signs of her. Steven had mentioned something about her wanting to plant things in the garden, she didn’t think it was a bad idea but she had wished she was a little more patient. She was happy to come with her, but it would be worth it just to see her smile all the same. She could just explain to the diamonds later why they weren’t back the moment sunrise came. 

She sees a shadow off in the distance, something vaguely ovular-almost hunched over looking and relief floods her. She moves forward feet crunching against dead leaves.

The first thing she notices is light pink-red of the figure, familiar and wonderful.

Then she sees little pits all over it, something green growing out of it.

  
  
  
  


It’s not something she picks up on right away, she knows when she’s there it’s not Spinel but instead a large plant bearing great pink-red fruit. Healthy, new-she reasons it must be what she came here to plant in the first place. She wondered how it had gotten large so fast though, maybe earth had quick growing organics, some planets certainly did. She spots on the ground by it’s thick green stem a piece of paper, a note maybe? She picked it up, turning it over only to reveal a stick figure representation of her and Spinel holding hands.

  


_ ‘She really is wonderful _’ heat crosses her face, smiling. She couldn’t wait to tell her how much she loved the drawing.

It takes a moment to notice written under the two says goodbye, her stomach begins to turn in itself when she reads it. ‘_ Goodbye..?’ _

  


When she looks at the ground again, her whole world falls away around her in the dark of the garden, cool breeze tickling her face. Eye widening, a hand shaking comes up to cover her mouth. She feels an old sting at her eye form into thick droplets running down her cheek.

There are pink shards layered about the large stem on the ground.


End file.
